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100k Chase Sapphire posts are ubiquitous. I ignored them because I assumed that I am over the random, stupid 5/24 rule. After seeing the 100th post saying “best offer ever,” I thought I would check my credit report. If I’m reading it correctly, I’m not only under 5/24 but also way under. I immediately applied and was happy that I was not instantly rejected. The application is under further review. I won’t be calling recon but I will be hoping for approval.
I encourage everyone to check their credit reports as you may be surprised by what you find. For me, the lack of churning is directly attributable to the never-ending pandemic.
The Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report is off to a slow start. So far, I’ve gone to the most overrated city in the US, Miami (see The Worst Cities in the World). That led me to contemplate travel retirement (see Air TPOL Retiring From Travel). Friends headed to Vegas almost had me venture out once again (see Come See TPOL Perform in Vegas in June!), but I decided against the trip for two reasons: 1) Who wants to fly 20 hours in coach? 2). Only amateurs go to Vegas on the weekend. Desperation to leave my basement won’t allow me to compromise on my principles. Instead of a pool party, I’ll still be here in the bubble retirement community of Rio Mar. My third tennis lesson is on Monday.
Where have all the bloggers gone? I read BA daily and see fewer authors posting. At the same time, I continue to receive comments from crabby readers that I should quit. If I do, who will deliver posts such as these:
I’m sure no one cares to read about the Hyatt Regency in downtown Miami. Most people who do visit this terrible city will not be staying downtown anyway.
The Worst Cities in the WorldFrom a reader: “I think your writing is extremely one minded and very damaging to a cities [sic] reputation given the power they gave you to write about them..in fact I’m going further..I’m gonna write an e-mail to the points guy about this article. Very insulting.”
The Quest Around The Globe Trip Report Recap covers the following places: Las Vegas, Nevada Grand Cayman Cartagena, Colombia Medellin, Colombia Miami, Florida Houston, Texas Moscow, Russia St. Petersburg, Russia Ayia Napa, Cyprus Amman, Jordan Abu Dhabi, UAE New York, New York
Beware of the cockroaches. How is that for a nice way to start a Hotel Review?
The Cockroach
Before arriving at the IC Bora Bora, I was told that air conditioner was out and that I could either cancel or stay for half of the points (see No AC in Tahiti!). I had gone through so much trouble trying to book the hotel and had no intention of not going (see Constructing Tahiti: The IHG Rewards Bora Bora Trick).
Don’t be fooled into thinking that the winds of French Polynesia make an air conditioner unnecessary. The room was very hot. Also, don’t be fooled into thinking that cockroaches can’t find their way into overwater bungalows. They can. Indeed, one found its way into my room. But that’s not the gross part. Trying to sleep in the humid room, I vividly recall turning over onto my side and feeling a weird sensation in my eye. I woke up to see a cockroach on my pillow and proceeded to turn the room upside down trying to kill it. It was not the warm welcome I expected. After my battle with the roach, I scurried to the bathroom to flush my eye with water. I don’t know what that little bastard did to my eye but something felt off. Alas, I was fine and tried to go back to sleep in the muggy room, this time sleeping with one eye open (the other eye).
With that horrifying story out of the way, it’s time for the traditional hotel review.
Our room wasn’t ready when we arrived. That’s inexplicable given that the resort was empty, they knew we were coming, and there are scheduled ferries to the resort.
106 Pool Boy
It took so long to check in, I decided to have a Coca-Cola. It cost a modest $6.
No free welcome drink?No charge for the scenery
Hotel Itself
Still waiting on the room, I explored the hotel. I would not make use of the pool and wonder why these getaways have them in the first place.
‘Secret Garden’
Come on IC, stop trying so hard. If it were a secret garden of love, there wouldn’t be a sign in multiple languages.
Room
After walking around fake Disneyland, we were finally able to go to our room. It was nice but not spectacular.
AC substitute
Remember the glass portal for later in the post.
The Deck
Nothing beats the deck with the hot tub from the Conrad Maldives.
Bathroom
As you might expect, there was a fancy bathroom with a strong shower and a romantic shower. Warning: TPOL topless in bathtub below.
Breakfast
Breakfast isn’t free at IC hotels. I went against my frugal intuition and paid for it (see TPOL Paid for Breakfast! And…). It wasn’t very good.
Give me back my money.
Dinner
I was criticized for bringing beef jerky and other survivables with me to Tahiti. To be clear, I’m not against spending money, I am against bad values e.g., this terrible pizza at the hotel restaurant.
#selfie
Clouds
So far, this review has been ho-hum. And the reason is the weather. Overcast skies kill paradise. I take it personally when the weather does not cooperate. At the same time, I don’t get too upset because these trips are not ‘once in a lifetime’ thanks to points. Contrast this with people who spend thousands of dollars and fly hours in coach only to find rain and gray skies. That is unfair. That is my idea of misery.
Annie
You already know the words of that horrible musical. However, when the sun does come out, everything is wonderful. Even the cockroaches were singing.
Aquarium
By night or day, the real life aquarium provided hours of entertainment.
Inflatables
I was hesitant about booking 7 nights in Tahiti (see Is 7 Nights in Tahiti Too Long?). I can only ‘relax’ for so long. Fortunately, posing with inflatable props passed the time.
Palm Trees + Beer
Duck + Champagne
Pizza
TPOL’s TIP: Never buy a pizza float. It’s impossible to board and impossible to consume.
Duck, Duck Boarding the duck was not much easier.
Duck & Champagne
Don’t Drink & Duck
Duck + Pizza + Palm Trees
TPOL’s TIP: In case of emergency boredom, bring inflatable props.
Topless/Propless
On second thought, maybe it’s better to just take a few photos and focus on vacation.
TPOL’s TIP: Do not use burst mode to capture the right moment. It will take 5 years to write a blog post.
Overall
I give my photo shoot and photographer two thumbs up. I give the IC no rating and may God have mercy on its soul.
I am writing this post because today marks the start of hurricane season and need a canned response in anticipation of the messages I will receive. Since I moved to Puerto Rico in 2018, there have not been any major weather events (see Hurricane Beryl: Preparing for TPOL’s First Tropical Event). I used to track storms closely in nervous anticipation. In 2019 when I was living in Shanghai (see TPOL in Shanghai), one hurricane was literally headed right towards my house in Rio Mar before abruptly making a right turn. Since that storm, I stopped obsessing over whether a hurricane would hit or not, leaving my fate in the hands of a greater power – luck. To that end, I encourage everyone to do the same. Please do not message me when a hurricane is named. Do not message me asking if I’m feeling the effects of a storm that is making its way towards the Yucatan. Please consult a map. Finally, if a storm does hit, do not message me saying how Puerto Rico can’t catch a break. Those condescending condolences do not help (see “Puerto Rico Rocked by Earthquake”: Enough Dramatic Headlines). For those who are genuinely concerned about my well-being, fear not. I’m stocked up on paper towels and have enough rum to get through November, the end of hurricane season. Bet you didn’t know that hurricane season is half of the year.
TPOL began blogging 7 years ago (Simply The Best: TPOL Triple Bogeys, Turns 7) and with the aid of being on lockdown, I have managed to complete almost all of the Trip Reports since I came into existence. The only one that remains is Tahiti Triumph, a trip with way too many destinations and way too many photos. After that one is done, I will be completely caught up and ready to hit the road, implementing my new strategy of blogging on the go but waiting to post when I come home. While the site will go dark for weeks at a time, it beats writing about trips five years later. I have to say that I’m impressed with myself.
I always used to have a waterproof camera when I traveled. Since then, phones have become more water-resistant, eliminating the need for a separate camera. Then I purchased the Samsung Flip which is not waterproof at all. While on a private excursion to Culebra (see Please Continue to Hold…), I realized that I needed something to document trips around water. My last purchase was the SkyDio (see VIDEO: SkyDio 2 Inaugural Flight: Rio Mar, Puerto Rico), a drone that takes amazing video but is not very convenient for everyday use. That’s when I came across the DJI Pocket 2, a tiny device that takes both videos and photos. Add in the underwater case and my dream of revolutionizing this blog is getting closer to becoming a reality (see Skydio Is on the Way! Blogging, Vlogging, You, Me & TPOL Will Never Be the Same).
Tense moments in Culebra taking this photo with the waves crashing towards the camera.
With all the hype surrounding this deluxe apartment in the sky, this should have been the ideal way to complete the Quest Around the Globe. Compared to Emirates, it was not.
Dubai vs. Abu Dhabi
Dubai, the home of Emirates Airlines, is a city of mystique. From mega-malls to man-made islands to absurd skyscrapers, its opulence is almost incomparable. I say almost because right up the road is Abu Dhabi, the capital of UAE. Like Dubai, it has monster skyscrapers and outrageous attractions e.g., Ferrari World. Unlike Dubai, Abu Dhabi does not have the fantastical feel. Instead, it’s more of a copycat, infringer, or unoriginal imitation of the City of Gold.
Burj Al Arab DubaiAloft Abu Dhabi: Hyperbolic comparison
Emirates vs. Etihad
I’m not going to say that Etihad is a golf cart compared to the Emirates sailboat. I am going to say that creativity isn’t there. Let’s Compare.
The A380
The soon to be extinct A380 is pretty no matter the carrier.But I’ll take the Emirates livery over Etihad’s kaleidoscope.
The most photographed shower of all time.Conservative selfieWhat the readers want. Subscribe to my Only Fans page for exclusive content!Etihad’s toilet is an original color.
The Bar: Emirates has a bar for business class and first-class passengers. Etihad does not.
What’s life without this photo in your memories?
The Drinks
I know many of you think that Johnnie Blue is the tops. It isn’t. I despise Scotch. Emirates has Hennessy Paradis.
Etihad has Bacardi and decent Bollinger champagne.
The comparable Emirates photoOnly on Emirates could I keep the bottle.
The Service: I’ve flown Etihad business and first a few times. The service on Emirates is far superior. The flight attendants are smoother and more natural. On Etihad, it feels forced. Indeed, in the photo above, the flight attendant refused to let me go back to the business class bar without my own bottle of Dom, since it is not served to business class passengers.
Clothes are required in business.
The Appetizer
The quality of the food is comparable but I prefer the meze on Emirates.
Etihad App, don’t try to make hummus fancy.Emirate’s authentic taste of the Middle East
Main Dish
Like Charlie would say, Wildcard!
The best food is not on Emirates nor Etihad. It’s SQ!
Lobster on SQ.
But this post is between the Arab cousins. Here’s what I had on Etihad:
And here’s what I had on Emirates:
Tender steak on a plane? Only Emirates.
I would have said that it was a tie until, you guessed it, another wildcard!
Sliders, on this mothaf&$kin’ plane!2000 calorie Arabic dessert
Finish Him!
Etihad wins.
Gluttony!
The Fun
I tried to replicate Silent Disco on Etihad but it didn’t compare to Emirates.
Rolex + Dom = Good time on EmiratesNot hypeUntil I found the Elvis of Iraq, Kazim! As legend has it, Saddam once tried to have him as a personal entertainer, then he fled Iraq.
The Amenities Kit
I didn’t save my kit from Etihad.
I wish this fragrance was not discontinued by Bvlgari and was still offered on Emirates.
The Seat
My favorite first-class experiences are aboard empty cabins. Often, I have one seat where I can eat and another seat where I can sleep. Etihad recognized this demand and instead of only having a seat that lied flat, there was also a separate chair.
While I appreciate the space, I prefer the cocoon of Emirates.
Privacy
Both provided the privacy one would expect from flying first.
EtihadEmirates
Opulence
Despite being spacious, I found the apartment to be dull compared to Emirates.
Originally, I was not seated next to Ms. TPOL, and this jerk store wouldn’t switch me seats. It took some convincing but he finally did. There still is a separator between us unlike Emirates where it’s more connected.
Not much of an experience if traveling someone and there is a stranger in the middle.
Emirates has a divider but it comes down.
Under the stars on Emirates.
Sleep
I had more space to stretch out and roll over on Etihad. But isn’t it cheating to sleep on these first-class flights when there is so much to eat, drink, and do?
Overall
The days of A380 flying may be over, but if I could go back in time I would time travel on Emirates.
